


That Look On Your Face

by Curupia



Series: Broken Arrow - Alec Lightwood: A Study in Agony [4]
Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: (don't worry it still hurts), (haven't used that tag in this series before), Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Family Issues, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Happy Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internal Dialogue, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Teasing, unintentional hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:16:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curupia/pseuds/Curupia
Summary: Alec knows the comment was meant as a joke. Izzy wasn't chastising him. Probably. But his face immediately hardens, eyebrows drawing together in a crease, sides of his mouth turning down in a scowl."Ah there he is. You had me worried there for a minute." She laughs, hand over heart, and Alec feels something inside himself crack.He knows he's not the most expressive person - preferring to keep his emotions to himself, not letting his mask fall in case someone looked too close, read too deep into the longing in his eyes, the fear all over his face. He knows he's never been the "fun" sibling - not like Jace or Isabelle - but was a smile really that foreign to his face?Was he really changing that much?





	That Look On Your Face

**Author's Note:**

> The answer to the question of whether I will be adding on to this series ever is.... probably? I have never sat down with an intention of writing one of these ficlets, but they come to me at random, screaming to be written. So maybe I have more in me somewhere, maybe I don't. Either way, I really appreciate all the love this series has gotten! Thanks so much for reading. As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated if this makes you feel anything at all <3

"Okay who are you and what have you done with my big brother?" Isabelle asks after barging into his office without knocking and catching him staring down at the picture of Magnus on his phone.

He'd taken it this morning and Magnus looked _stunning_ \- he always looked stunning but this morning he'd looked particularly... _soft?_ Alec didn't have the right words, but he'd known as soon as he rolled over and saw Magnus's sleeping face that he wanted to be able to look at that face all day.

 _Every day_.

Alec knows the comment was meant as a joke. Izzy wasn't chastising him. _Probably_. But his face immediately hardens, eyebrows drawing together in a crease, sides of his mouth turning down in a scowl.

"Ah there he is. You had me worried there for a minute." She laughs, hand over heart, and Alec feels something inside himself crack. He knows he's not the most expressive person - preferring to keep his emotions to himself, not letting his mask fall in case someone looked too close, read too deep into the longing in his eyes, the fear all over his face. He knows he's never been the "fun" sibling - not like Jace or Isabelle - but was a smile really that foreign to his face? Was he really changing that much?

Izzy snapped her fingers in front of his face and the worries slunk to the back of his mind, making space for the new crisis of the week.

He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself - there were real problems to deal with.

* * *

"Dude stop that, you're scaring me."

Alec looks up, confused, trying to figure out what he's doing and how to stop it.

He's just sitting in the training room, unlacing his boots. Maybe he was doing something unconsciously? What had he just been doing? He can't remember. He'd been caught up in a daydream - a memory really - of Magnus asking him to spar the other night. He'd been intrigued, and more than a little excited, at the prospect. This was _finally_ something that he was good at, something he could even _show off_ at, impress Magnus with.

Of course it hadn't gone that way.

Magnus had held his own, more than, and that'd been somehow even more exhilarating than when Alec he thought he was going to have the advantage. The way Magnus moved... the way his body looked - shirtless and sweaty, every muscle seemingly sculpted by the angel himself.

Alec had never enjoyed sparring so much.

"Should I leave you and your boots alone?" Jace's voice cuts in again, jarring Alec from his memory.

"What?"

"You've been staring down at your feet with a look that I didn't even know your face was capable of making."

Alec frowns, annoyed at himself for letting his guard down like that. It's not like Jace didn't know about him - about _Magnus_ and him - but of course he didn't want to _know_ about it. In spite of Jace's unstoppable need over the years to recount his own exploits with Alec (and anyone else who would listen), in _excruciating_ detail, Jace had never once asked about Magnus; never goaded Alec the way he did whenever Izzy found herself a shiny new toy; never seemed interested in Alec elaborating on any aspect of his and Magnus's relationship further than what Alec volunteered himself.  

"Ah that's better." Jace flashes a smile and tosses him a training sword. "Now hurry up, we've got work to do."

* * *

"Your tie is crooked; here, let me," Maryse takes a step forward as Alec dodges her outstretched hand.

"My tie is fine, mother," he says, straightening it anyway.

They've been preparing for this meeting for days. He knows how important it is to represent the Lightwood name well. He knows he can't screw up. He has to look perfect, sound perfect, _be_ perfect.

"This color looks nice on you. It makes you look distinguished. They'll like that." Maryse has never been one to dish out compliments freely. He knows she must really mean it.

"Thanks," he shrugs it off, feeling his lips curl into a smile in spite of himself. Magnus had picked out this shirt. The specific words he'd used were "dashing" and "irresistible," and it had made Alec flustered in a way that only Magnus could; in a way he called "adorable."

"What are you smirking about? I know you think I'm overreacting, but this meeting is important. I need you to take it seriously," Maryse says, in a tone he's acutely familiar with. The one that says " _listen to me, or else._ "

"I am."

"Then look like it."

He doesn't have to try to wipe the smile off his face, his body automatically follows the order, his shoulders squaring, jaw clenching, chin out. He is a soldier and a diplomat, he can't be distracted. Not today. This is too important, he can't screw it up.

"Now, that looks like a man fit to run this institute." His mother smiles, tight lipped. "Make me proud."

* * *

"What's wrong?" Magnus asks as he comes through the apartment door. It's been a long day, a long _week_ , but all of that had slowly been melting away as he traveled to Brooklyn. But his feeling of relief at seeing Magnus morphs once he steps through the door; Magnus's words knocking the wind out of him.

 _Not him too_.

Of _all_ people, Magnus was always the one he was allowed to be himself around. Allowed to be _happy_ with.

Maybe he was just as annoyed with it as everyone else? Alec tries to reel the thoughts in, but once they start, they won't stop. Is he _too_ happy? _Too_ emotional for Magnus?

"Hey," Magnus says softly, massaging his fingers lightly across Alec's forehead, smoothing the skin there, making Alec relax in spite of himself. He closes his eyes and breathes in deep, letting the scent of sandalwood and magic wash over him.

He doesn't mean to start smiling again.

He can't help it in moments like this.

"There's that look I love - not that I don't love all of your looks darling, but this one in particular..." Magnus taps the end of Alec's nose gently with his finger and he can't help but laugh, wrinkling his nose, biting his lip to keep the laughter quiet.

Magnus is smiling at him too when he opens his eyes.

"Rough day?" He asks.

Alec nods, and Magnus doesn't pry or push, just knows that sometimes it's not possible to put it into words.

"Can I make it better?" He asks like it's a privilege, not a burden, an inconvenience.

"You already have."

Alec lets himself smile - intentional and wide, like his face can't contain the emotions bubbling up inside him - and feels the knots in his shoulders loosen as Magnus smiles back at him.


End file.
